Day 112: Alien 3 (1992) - Rank: 3/5

The Alien quadrilogy is a fascinating collection of films for a couple of reasons. One: if you think about the chronology of the four, you're watching about two consecutive weeks in the life of one barge worker (that span doesn't count the 500+ years between Ripley's death in this film and her being cloned in Alien:Resurrection since she essentially picks up where she left off). That's a really shitty series of events no matter how you look at it (Lemony Snickett ain't got nothing on Ripley). Two: each film in the trilogy is not only helmed by a different director, but each is an excellent director with his own sense of style. "Alien: Resurrection" maintains the basic elements of the Alien films while still looking like a Jean-Pierre Jeunet film. Same for Ridley Scott, James Cameron and, in this case, David Fincher.

The dank corridors and the contrasting sepia and pale blue hues are reminiscent of many scenes from "Se7en" or "Fight Club" (especially the leaky basement of the home that the two "protagonists" squat within). It's as if directors were selected before the script was locked into place, and it certainly behoove the films. When the Alien franchise branched into Alien vs. Predator, I lost interest simply because the studios started going with relative unknowns and the sense of cinematic style left so as not to hinder with any body counts (which, to this day, I still don't get making those films PG-13...tsk, tsk). "Alien 3" is also unique in that it takes place on a planet, not on a ship (as is the case with the other films). You're back to just one alien (sans the developing queen within Ripley), but you now have a motley crew of inmates who are not only trapped inside the prison walls, but they also lack armaments (the latter, I felt, was a fun touch).

I found it to be the weakest of the four, but it was still fun all the same. The film does crawl at times, and the multiple scenes of the computer generated alien just look silly. Granted, the film was made in the wake of the "Jurassic Park" boom when everyone held their hands up to the lord in thanks for the creation of computers capable of animating anything the mind could imagine. Sadly, along the way, many forgot that Stan Winston's crew created a ton of practical effects for the film - practical effects which would have also added a little bit of creditability with me when it came to this film (yes, I wanted more of a guy in a suit, because it's a damn good suit!). Still, I could forgive the film, because not only did it feature Charles Dance in a prominent role, but the film also read my mind. As we saw the first few shots of the prison and you realize that it's inhabited almost entirely by balding Brits (I'm sure Donald Pleasence would have played the warden had he still been alive), I muttered aloud, almost jokingly: "Where's Pete Postlethwaite?" And lo and behold, what is the next sight I'm greeted with?



That's right, the hammy character actor in question, to which I replied, "Thank you, movie." He died though. Serves him right. He deserved to be in prison for helping that damned Kaiser Souza escape incarceration again. Oh, and mad props to Charles S. Dutton, too, whose career soared to "new heights" as he chose to fight giant cockroaches in an underground labyrinth in one of his following films instead of aliens.

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Day 111: La Cravate (1957) - Rank: 3/5

Alejandro Jodorowsky's films are certainly marked with an overpowering sense of the surreal with a predominant focus on the visual. While a lot of individuals have cited "El Topo" as his best and their favorite of his works, I always vie for "The Holy Mountain" when I've got a hankering for his sense of cinema. So much so that I've never made it around to watching one of his early, experimental films until now. The tale of "La Cravate" is focused on two characters - a young girl who makes a living selling used heads, and a character that is struggling for identity who sells his head to her and finds himself adorning her mantle.

Using the phrase "himself" feels inaccurate, for it is just a head. Jodorowsky then begs the question: what really makes you, you? Once the head is separate and both the head and body are cognisant of themselves, how do you classify "the being?" Does your personality define who you are, or is it your physical person? While existential at its core, the film is never overburdening in its message. Instead, its simple a light piece of pantomime fun that feels quite innocent when compared to Jodorowsky's later works.

Day 110: The Lady from Shanghai (1947) - Rank: 4/5

I've already decided that when it comes time for another "Film Noir-a-thon" among my friends, this is the selection I'm bringing. Snappy dialog, quirky for the sake of quirky characters and more double-crosses than you can shake a stick at makes this a fun view. What really made it stand out for me though is its inaccurate title. If I had to rename it, I think I'd go for "The Everett Sloane Show." While the downside is it certainly doesn't roll off the tongue and pique the interest of the curious as "The Lady from Shanghai" does, it certainly is more appropriate.



Sloane plays a crippled, crooked lawyer who spends most of his time travelling about the world on his private yacht with his trophy wife Elsa (a blond Rita Hayworth) at his side. He gets drunk habitually and spouts off insults at anyone in close proximity and carts himself about on two canes (if an intoxicated cripple is not an entertaining element for a film noir, then you and I have nothing to talk about). Sloane's Arthur Bannister recruits Irish sailor Michael O'Hara as a strong hand on the yacht and, ultimately, as a patsy for a murder triangle. Also involved in the complex plot is Arthur's law firm partner, George Grisby, played with even hammier, drunken zeal by Glenn Anders. "When you fire the gun, just say you were doing a little tarrrrrr-get practice! That's it, just a little tarrrrrrrrrrrrr-get practice!"



By the time this duo of character actors are done chewing the scenery and drinking all the Scotch in sight, there's very little left of the movie, and thankfully so, because you still have Orson Welles. I like Welles, but the sad thing is: he cannot convey a convincing Irish brogue. His narration was like nails on a chalkboard from the get-go, and God only knows that Welles loves the sound of his voice. It's a mystery to me why he chose to go with the Irish accent, because the nationality of the character is inconsequential to the plot - I suppose it was just Welles wanting to try something new....which he shouldn't have. Still, the greater mystery that remains is this: how, in ten years, did Orson go from screen lover to bloated behemoth? He must have wrung Sloane and Anders dry, drank the booze he retrieved from their bodies, and subsequently ate them. It may sound crazy, but see his performance in "Touch of Evil" and it actually makes sense...sort of...



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Day 109: Full Metal Yakuza (1997) - Rank 3/5

To watch "Full Metal Yakuza," it's quite obvious that Takashi Miike, a Japanese director infamous for excess beyond excess when it comes to gore, sexual peversion and disturbing imagery, was testing the waters. This tongue-in-cheek tribute to Verhoeven's "Robocop" has its fair share of both violence and bizarre sexual content. But it's never outlandish as is characteristic of his later films. In fact, the overall film is presented in a manner that borders on teh cartoonish at times. As a result, i didn't find this film emblazioned upon my mind as "Audition" or "Visitor Q" were, leaving me forever wondering, "What the fuck did I just watch?" Instead, its straightforward and borderline formulaic on some levels, which earmarks it as early Miike.

Sadly, as a result of this, I found the film rather forgettable, whereas some of his other films I wish I could get out of my head. That's not to say that the film was intolerable, or even unenjoyable. It was an entertaining watch, and there were some scenes, such as the revelation that the full metal yakuza - Kensuke Hagane - possessed a robotic penis capable of pleasuring any female, that I found pretty hilarious. And the action sequences, while grisly at times, also seemed indicative that Miike had not directed many scenes of choreographed fighting prior, for I had trouble figuring out what was happening at times (unlike Ridley Scott, who has shot so many action sequences that he's learned how to cheat the audience by using quick cuts and shaky camera moves, leaving you still wondering what's happening). But, admittedly, it is hard to go back to a director's early films after he's set the bar so much higher in his later projects. I suppose had I seen this film upon its release, it would have struck me as more unique or unusual. Alas, I cannot go back in time, though. Or can I...?

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Day 108: Black Sabbath (1963) - Rank 4/5

"Black Sabbath" is one of the perfect reminders as to why Boris Karloff was an icon (and still is) in the horror genre. Sure, he achieved infamy though his depiction of Frankenstein's monster, but I appreciate him more for the roles that are often overlooked. "Comedy of Terrors" and "The Raven" are great examples of what Karloff can do with comedic material. And when it comes to serious roles with a hint of the sinister, "The Black Room" is a prime example of his acting expertise; Karloff plays twin brothers, and is always the case with twins, one is good and one is evil (his monologue regarding pears vs. apples is one I find myself uttering aloud every time I bite into the aforementioned fruit).

While a trilogy anthology, the middle tale, "The Wurdalak," is the one that stands out the most. Karloff returns home after beheading the wurdalak that had been terrorizing the 19th century Russian back country and soon, his family begins to worry that he might be turning into the flesh-eating creature as well. The tale grows darker and darker as Karloff's Grocha kidnaps his own grandson, tears his throat out with his teeth and the grandson shows up later to lure his parents out of their home into danger. The lighting is brilliantly atmospheric and the sets and production are reminiscent (appropriately so) of Roger Corman's adaptations of Edgar Allen Poe pieces. Karloff grows more and more terrifying as Grocha continues to decay on screen, accentuated by bottom lighting and proper shadowing on his makeup (see below).



The other two tales are entertaining yarns, but rarely evoke the atmosphere of the longer, plot-driven "Wurdalak." The first, "The Telephone," is a fairly predictable piece about a girl being terrified by repeat calls from a spurned lover threatening to kill her. Sadly, the ending is a little cliched. The final tale, "The Drop of Water" is a pleasantly eerie piece about a woman quietly suffering from delusions and paranoia within the confines of her apartment after stealing a priceless ring from the finger of a recently deceased medium. The film's only true downfall is ending the trilogy with Karloff out of character, breaking the fourth wall as he talks to the audience, and then ending on a lighthearted and silly note. As a result, the ominous tone of the film is lifted - a gesture that some might find pleasant, but I found highly unnecessary and slightly betraying.

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Day 107: Paprika (2006) - Rank 3.5/5

Over the years, I've watched a number of films that endeavor to catch the illogical, incoherent nature of dreams. All too often a dream in a film is used as a device to advance a plot (the entire series of "Twin Peaks" would be a prime example), but in reality, this mental sorting of subconscious issues is scarcely capable of telling individuals how to proceed in the future. Only upon rare occasion have I seen a director capture somnambular nonsense accordingly (Lynch's "Eraserhead" does a fine job). "Paprika" is one of those rarities.

The anime follows a dream researcher and psychotherapist who goes by a peppy, dream alter-ego by the name of Paprika. When a device that is capable of accessing anyone's dreams (be they in a waking state or not) falls into the wrong hands, it's up to the titular character to battle the villain in a dream world where anything is possible. The opening dream sequence is utterly surreal, as are many of the visions. To me, anime works best when it is dabbling in the realm of the exaggerated, the fantastic and the bizarre, and "Paprika" is one of those situations where the artists have the perfect medium/script to work with. The film practically feels like a dream itself from beginning to end, going beyond simple dabbling with reality within its own realm - it rises to the point of screwing with your own head and your notions of a "waking state" in the process.

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Day 106: Elephant (2003) - Rank 4.5/5

This is one of the more shocking films I've seen in some time. There are no zombies, no monsters (in the literal sense), and not that much gore, but what is quite unsettling is the climax of the film: a school shooting. While anyone who watches the preview for Gus Van Sant's terrifyingly beautiful piece of work knows that a massacre is destined to occur at some point, it still doesn't prepare you for the realistic manner in which the event is depicted.

The main reason that the massacre catches you off guard so much is due to the fact that the first two-thirds of the film depict your average, humdrum day at a high school. The drudgery of class, the banality of hallway conversations - many of these are captured with impressive 5-10 minute-long tracking shots. The camera typically stays behind the students as they quietly walk through the hallways of the school, giving us a voyeuristic view of the entire proceedings. This style lets the audience into the lives of the students in a unique way, for you begin to feel as if you attend the school. As a result, the climax is all the more unnerving.

Perhaps the darkest element of the film is just the tone of bitter cruelty that surrounds the film. Many of the students are show experiencing miserable days, due to the nastiness of bullies, the indolence of teachers or just the general sense of peer pressure to be someone or something they are not. While some students find escape (one student experiences relief through photography), others experience one defeat after another only to catch a bullet in the end. The film borders on the bleak, because there are no "heroes" that come to the rescue (only one student attempts to sneak up on a shooter and take his gun, but it shot in the head before the camera), and there's no resolution. After all, life isn't always tied into neat, little packages with happy endings. As such, "Elephant" is an unwavering look at the crueler side of life and leaves you pondering the obvious "Why?" long after completion.

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Day 105: Andromeda Strain (1971) - Rank 4/5

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When this film was first released, the posters claimed that "the suspense will kill you." I find that a little bit questionable. After all, H. R. Pufnstuf was borne of the same era, and that series certainly requires far more patience than any show on television today (though I've never watched an episode of "American Idol," so my opinion might be misinformed). Still, even if your threshold for suspense is low, I still wouldn't define the film as "suspenseful." Enthralling, however, would be far more apt.

The film is the first adaptation of Michael Crichton's work, and while I've not read the novel by the same name, my research has yielded numerous reviews that laud the script for being highly loyal to the source material. I think most are familiar enough with the basic premise of the storyline to know that it involves an outbreak of a foreign microbe and the subsequent containment of the organism (it's one of those cool science fiction diseases - the likes of which have been seen in everything from "Last Man on Earth" to "28 Days Later" - only this one turns your blood to powder. Cue your inner eight year-old: "COOOOL!").

There were two major components to this film that both impressed and hooked me. The first was the tone of the film. It was extremely cut-and-dry, to the point that I felt like I was watching a recreation of something that truly happened. I suppose the focus on scientific protocol was what appealed to me, though I could see where the average viewer might be a tad bored by it all. Still, it serves as a testament to the versatility of director Robert Wise ("West Side Story," "The Haunting," etc.) The second was the facility that the crew worked in. I had honestly assumed that they were shooting in a real facility somewhere in the world, but it was simply an elaborate set. I bet they spent more on the set than they did the salaries of the crew. It was this sprawling series of electronic corridors which certainly served as Wise's inspiration for V-GER when creating "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" years later. Every thing would be done by computer now, and while CGI has certainly made the impossible possible on the silver screen, the awe of an impressive set or creature that is obviously real is absent, and that's a loss that pains me too often. What a relief it was then to see practical effects taking center stage and being used in a situation that seemed less fantastic and more in the realm of the eerily plausible.


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Day 104: My Name Is Bruce (2007) - Rank 3.5/5

It's a vehicle for Bruce Campbell, produced by Bruce Campbell, directed by Bruce Campbell and starring Bruce Campbell. Guess who Bruce Campbell plays? That's right: Bruce Campbell! There are more Bruces here than an Australia themed Monty python sketch. Jesus...I just connected Monty Python to Bruce Campbell films. Any minute now, a black hole or geekiness will open up, pulling in all that is "nerdy" and crushing it to a point of singularity. And now I'm using a black hole analogy for nerdiness. I'd better stop while I'm ahead.

Shortly put: Bruce Campbell arrives in a town where they believe he's the basic character type he plays in his films. He thinks it's all a loving tribute until the demon appears and he pisses his pants. The rest of the film, then, is about his overcoming his inadequacies to be the hero he always portrays and defeats the creature. Sound familiar? Sure it does - the film is also called "Galaxy Quest." Still, Bruce Campbell makes up for the storyline's fair lack of originality be devouring the scenery by pulling such gags as filling his dog's water bowl with bourbon and forcing it to drink. So, for Campbell, I can forgive the film. But then couldn't that be said for most Campbell films?

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Day 103: Seance On A Wet Afternoon (1966) - Rank 5/5

I'm led to believe that this film is one of those rare gems that often slips under the radar of critics who spend half their careers spewing out one "Top Ten" list after another. I crudely base this rationale on the fact that I consort with a great deal of film buffs, yet no one I know had ever heard of this film prior to my mentioning it. That being said, it is certainly a shame, for this is one of the best cinematic tales I've seen since I began this venture.

Kim Stanley is Myra Savage, an egocentric, eccentric psychic/medium who is bound and determined to have the world respect and crave her abilities. To achieve her goal, she forces her henpecked husband Billy, to kidnap the only daughter of an affluent family. If all goes according to plan, she will present herself to the parents, use her powers to locate the child, as well as the ransom money, and achieve world renown. Only...everything goes to hell. The plot is delightfully Hitchcockian in its own right, and it might even be regarded as a disservice to the film to classify it so quickly, for the pathos of Myra and Billy left me analyzing the film long after finishing it. Hell, I'm still chewing it over, because there's one other damning element to the film: for all intents and purposes, Myra's "power" is left ambiguous - as is whether her husband believes/knows if it is real. To think that she goads her husband into such an abominable act when he might believe that she's crazy and she knows that she's a fake is far more eerie that the interpretation that she's a legitimate medium.

Kim Stanley's performance is astounding, and thankfully the Academy acknowledged her role with a nomination - though the actual award would have been more fitting considering that she lost to the treacly performance turned in by Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music." As for Attenborough, it's simply a crime that he wasn't nominated. There's so much complexity and quiet intensity to his character once you really start to scrutinize his performance. On a number of occasions, the camera is set tight on his face as Myra prattles on about the conversations she's had with the dead (particularly her deceased son) in an almost delusional manner. The expressions that come over his face as he tunes his wife over seem to indicate that he's thinking: how the hell did I get myself into this mess, why do I let me wife push me around, my wife is crazy, and a number of other thoughts all at once. It's a subtle manner of performance all too absent from films today and with a fantastic plot and moody cinematography, I can't help but recommend this film to everyone I can.

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Day 102: Peeping Tom (1960) - Rank 4/5

What a cheery movie...You know, this film, while an excellent psychological horror/drama, certainly isn't a selection that merits repeat viewings. The film is centered around a voyeur, pushing the limit for this subject far more than its "predecessor" "Psycho." The central character (played with quiet, brooding intensity by Carl Boehm) is Mark Lewis, a serial killer who has quite the unique way of murdering his victims; he records them with a 16mm camera as he stalks and kills them, the third leg of the camera's tripod fashioned into a crude spear (that doubles as a phallus) which he stabs into their throat. A mirror is also attached above the camera so the victim can watch herself be killed. He does it simply because he becomes aroused at rewatching the dying terror on women's faces, a habit he picked up as a result of being tortured and constantly filmed by his father's fear experiments. Then he tries to have a legitimate girlfriend. Quite the gigglefest, it is.

The film is an excellent character study, and would certainly take multiple viewings to pick up on all of the nuances of the voyeur's pathos. But the film has such a serious tone that repeat viewings would be very difficult. There is one other thing: "Peeping Tom" provides a far eerier metaphor, for the primary character could very well be seen as a member of a theater audience. Film lovers, on some minute level, experience pleasure at taking a peek into the lives of others. That dark truth becomes more obvious, painfully so, at times, as you watch Mark watch films. Whether this commentary was intentional or not, it's certainly there and it lingers long after the film ends.

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Day 101: The Thief of Bagdad (1940) - Rank 4/5

When you start looking at different genres of film, each has a representative that could be defined as the pinnacle of what the genre has to offer, presented in the form of a "sweeping epic." Drama has many choices, the most predominant in my mind being "Gone with the Wind." The biblical genre has "Ten Commandments." Science fiction has "Star Wars." Fantasy has "Lord of the Rings." Even comedies have "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World." So when it comes to an offshoot of the fantasy realm involving the ancient world (the Sinbad films, "Clash of the Titans," etc.), I believe that "The Thief of Bagdad" fits right into that slot.

The basic plot has a lot of similarities to the tale of "Aladdin," except that the male protagonist (Ahmed) is actually a king and the princess resides in another kingdom. There is still a doddering sultan that both Ahmed and his evil Grand Vizier (aren't they all - this one is played with hammy glee by Conrad Veidt), Ahmed still ends up on a deserted island with a genie (a shirtless, painted Rex Ingram - far scarier than the voice of Robin Williams, but not as scary as the thought of a shirtless, painted Robin Williams...ugh, that's a big diaper on that djinn), he still has a partner named Abu (a small child thief rather than a thieving monkey) and there's still a magic carpet. Actually, it's a lot like Disney's "Aladdin"...or I should say that "Aladdin borrows very heavily from it.

This is the type of film that, upon watching it as an adult, I wish I'd seen as a kid. I would have really fallen in love with it. While it still doesn't top the marvelous world of Sinbad (primarily because it lacks the fantastic creations of Ray Harryhausen), there are still plenty of awesome visuals, bizarre characters and impressive special effects (for 1940 - hence it winning the Oscar for special effects, as well as cinematography and art direction). The funny thing is, while you feel as if you've just finished a three-hour film, it only runs 106 minutes. The illusion comes from the sheer bulk of excellent plot twists and sights that overwhelm while they entertain.

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Day 100: Escape From New York (1981) - Rank 3.5/5

Donald Pleasence as the president of the United States? Yes, please. From the moment I saw this in the film's open, I was sold on the John Carpenter classic. Somehow, over the years, the film evaded me. The cast is fully stocked with the Carpenter regulars (Harry Dean Stanton, Kurt Russell, Adrienne Barbeau, etc.). Kurt Russell plays the humorously named "Snake Plisskin" and is forcefully recruited to save the president after he takes the escape pod from Air Force One and lands in the giant prison that once was Manhattan.

With me, John Carpenter films always hit, at least to a certain degree. "They Live," "Halloween," "Big Trouble in Little China" and "The Thing" I find superb films, whereas "Assault on Precinct 13," "The Fog," and "Christine" I regard as good, but not great. "Escape from New York" falls into that category for me, and the issue is (as with the others) pacing. It's not that the film ever feels slow, but it just never picks up speed either. The finales seemed rather anticlimactic, for "The Duke" (Isaac Hayes) was easily eliminated, despite the fact that he had an army of prisoners on his side. And though Kurt Russell was clearly having fun, I think his personality rubs off more on some of Carpenter's later projects, keeping the film moving and fresh where the script or pace may lag. It was their first collaboration though, so I won't be too harsh. Simply summed up: it's a fun film. Nothing more. Though I was left with a perplexing question after finishing the movie: How did Pleasence become president when he's British? Oh, that's right. He's not the president..."He's the Duke! He's the Duke!"

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Day Ninety-Nine: Ken Russell's The Planets (1983) - Rank 3.5/5

As the title would indicate, Ken Russell takes Gustav Holst's work and accompanies it with imagery. The result is a work that is reminiscent of Reggio's "Koyaanisqatsi," which debuted earlier that year. I don't think it would be too far of a stretch to suggest that the film was quite possibly inspired by the film, though to say that it is an attempt to "cash in" on "Koyaanisqatsi" would be going to far (especially since "Koyaanisqatsi" wasn't a huge box office draw to begin with - that and this film was a made-for-television production for the BBC). No, the short film merely plays like a guilty indulgence on Russell's part, and suffice it to say, if this sounds like it would be a shameful pleasure for you as well, you'll undoubtedly dig it. If not, then 'nuff said.

Russell combines some fantastic imagery with the music, utilizing the theme of the planets to select the footage he wants. Mars, the Bringer of War, is accompanied by parades marching in honor of Hitler, Stalin and Mao, interspliced with explosions documented during WWII through the Vietnam War. Venus, Bringer of Love, primarily shows a nubile brunette posing naked on a beach front (the word "indulgence" quite apropos here - though what else would you expect from Russell?) with the occasional insertion of flowers, landscapes and other gorgeous imagery. Uranus, the Magician, is accompanied by a variety of religious figures carrying out their respective ceremonies, such as transforming the host into the body of Christ. The only downside to the project is all the footage is previously shot footage that Russell just had access to while editing. There didn't seem to be anything original shot for the feature. That little sticking point keeps Russell below the ranks of Godfrey Reggio, Ron Fricke and the like when it comes to films of this vein. But I suppose if you were to compare overall careers with one another, Russell would easily leave the others in the dust.

Day Ninety-Eight: The Ladykillers (1955) - Rank 3.5/5

I decided to follow up Alec Guinness with more Alec Guinness. I've long been curious about the original "The Ladykillers" after the release of the critically-panned, Coen brothers rendition (let it be said here that I actually like and own that film...don't judge me). Seeing still photos of a wiry-haired, insidious looking Guinness as Professor Marcus sold me on seeing the film.

The plot between the original and remake are inherently the same: an elderly woman takes in an unusual professor as a lodger, and finds that he's frequently accompanied by his crew under the guise that they're a small chamber orchestra. Their true plan is to rob a payroll, but when the old woman finds out their scheme, the time comes to rub her out. Comparing the two is difficult, for each has its assets. The original features a hilarious Guinness, whereas the remake features a hilarious Tom Hanks. Irma P. Hall is stupendous as the innocent old woman in the Coen brothers version, yet Herbert Lom plays a far more sinister and unstable addition to the troupe than Marlon Wayans ever did.

In the end, I feel like the two are evenly pitted, because they both suffer from the same downfall: the plot slows at the end after the caper is committed and the gang is "had" by the old woman. The laughs seem to slow as murder attempt after murder attempt goes awry. The last ten minutes crawl when compared with the rest of the film. One would assume that the pacing might have been tweaked for the 2004 version, but it wasn't. Still, there are enough antics leading up to the ending to make it far worth your while.

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Day Ninety-Seven: Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) - Rank 4.5/5

Never heard of the film, you say? Need convincing? Four words for you: Alec Guinness in drag. In fact, Guinness plays not only the role of a women's rights activist and septuagenarian, but he also tackles seven other roles. The feat of playing multiple roles in a film has become a novelty in this day and age, with Eddie Murphy playing every role imaginable in his films (because no one else can stand being around him, much less work alongside the doofus). Guinness not only plays the entire D'Ascoyne family with ease, but he might hold the record for being the first individual to pull off the feat in a film.

The film opens in the cell of Duke Louis D'Ascoyne (Dennis Price) the evening before his hanging. The Duke reflects back on the events that led to his imprisonment - namely the methodical murder of his entire family in an effort to claim his title of "duke" at a young enough age to enjoy it. Guinness plays each target with tongue-in-cheek fervor, and while you want to root for the narrator in his quest to achieve his title after all the wrongdoings committed against him and his mother, you hate to see another one of Guinness' delightful characters bite the dust.

Apart from an excellent script and superb acting, the film is a technical achievement as well. There are several shots where all of Guinness' multiple characters appear on screen at once. I found myself straining to see some "split screen" evidence on the print, but if it was there, I could not discern it. While the film's major theme is revenge (and a semi-selfish revenge, at that), it's never overbearing. Louis dispenses his estranged family with a noblesse oblige attitude - and to me, there's definitely something darkly humorous behind a character maintaining civility and etiquette while murdering one person after the next. It's almost like a PG-rated, opulent Hannibal Lechter...but without the cannibalism. But I suppose that's not a fair comparison, for "Silence of the Lambs" didn't feature Alec Guinness in drag. Good thing, too. While the idea of Guinness in the role of Buffalo Bill is certainly a funny one, once you calculate how old he would have been in 1991 and imagine him doing the same, strip tease dance number from the end of the film, the humor quickly fades. Why did I just conjure up that mental image? Oh, I'm going to have the nastiest nightmare tonight...

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Day Ninety-Six: Fast & Furious (2009) - Rank 3/5

I always enjoy watching people scrutinize my home video collection when they come to my house for the first time. Inevitably, those individuals will point out some atypical entries that don't seem to suit my movie tastes. Titles that I own on DVD that have baffled others in the past are: "The Little Mermaid," "Jackass: The Movie," "The Ten Commandments," and "Toys." I can usually give a rational explanation for my liking a film enough to purchase it (I honestly cannot for "Toys"). So, when I receive the following question: "Why do you own the Fast and the Furious movies?" I reply: "They're stupid fun. Plus, they have some damn good chases in them." Yes, I'll admit it: I'm a closet racing movie fan. Damn my father and his exposing me to NASCAR. I still refute its standing as a legitimate sport. It's cars going in circles, for Christ's sake!

At least with the aforementioned franchise, I enjoy indulging in them because they feel like a throwback to the car race, grindhouse fodder of the seventies, like the original "Gone in Sixty Seconds," "Stunts," "Dixie Dynamite," "Race with the Devil," "Death Race 2000"...the list goes on. The films never carry a pretense of involving an elaborate plot. The storyline is merely a loose excuse for threading a lot of races and chases together (though the first film had an acceptably engaging storyline). And I highly respect the fact that the films (save the abominable second entry) all use real cars and practical effects. So, the guilty pleasure-seeking, lowbrow domain of my cinema-loving side grew quite excited at the promise of a fourth entry to the saga.

The film has all the right cast and crew: testosterone-fueled Vin Diesel, "ACTING" Paul Walker, eye candy Michelle Rodriguez and returning director Justin Lin. Regrettably, the film gets a little greedy. It tries to formulate an elaborate plot about Diesel's Dominic and Walker's Brian both in a "race" to get to the killer of Letty (Rodriguez) first. As a result, the film becomes just as much a revenge film as it is a vehicle flick, if not more so. Don't give me something to think about. Gimme car wrecks, shootin' and boobs. If you're looking for a erudite piece of cinema wrought with symbolism and subtlety, you can do far, far better. But if you're looking to turn your brain off for two hours, you could certainly do worse.

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Day Ninety-Five: Once (2006) - Rank 4/5

Though the film received nothing but positive reviews, I abstained from this charming little musical for one major reason: acoustic guitar. It's not that I find it an obnoxious instrument...the problem is that I've been to too many parties. One of the staples of a booze-laden soiree is that some tone deaf clout inevitably starts strumming away in a nonsensical fashion, hoping his disharmonious efforts illicit a "siren's song" effect and cause any intoxicated women within a ten-foot radius to swoon and land atop his member. This is an issue, because I, too, am typically three sheets to the wind at this stage, which means it's time for me to tell crass anecdotes as loudly as possible (while navigating through the alcoholic memory fog along the way). Anything that draws attention away from me is always displeasing. Still, it can be worse...it could just be you and that friend kicking back brews and when that individual starts strumming, you're forced to be "polite" and act like whatever drivel spews out is the most profound shit you've ever heard. So, in short, drunk douchebags have ruined the aura of a perfectly good musical instrument. Wait, how did this start? Oh, "Once!"

Anyway, while I found the music enjoyable, I did not feel a sudden urge to tap my toe in rhythm, much less buy the soundtrack. The attraction of the film to me was the relationship between the two leads. Glen Hansard embodies the down-on-his-luck, endearing street musician and Markéta Irglová is equally as hypnotic as a misanthropic activist. The two build a friendship through playing music together, the unnamed male his guitar and the female, a piano. This relationship could have easily turned schmaltzy as it could have sexual, but it never did either. While the girl finds herself propositioned once, it's a passing moment. Instead, the two share a friendship so close, it's far more romantic that any stereotypical "love story" where the focus is the guy getting the girl. I found it highly reminiscent of one of my favorite "romance" films - "Lost in Translation." Sadly, so many films of the ilk sacrifice such character development for sexual encounters. For that reason, "Once" stands out as a touching and, as cloying as it may sound, enchanting film that even warm the heart of an embittered cynic like me.

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Day Ninety-Four: It's Alive (1974) - Rank 3/5

If you've never seen the film before, you may be familiar with the first five minutes. A husband and wife check in to a hospital as the wife prepares to give birth to their second child. A shot while later, a nurse staggers out of the delivery room, blood gushing from his neck, and screams are heard. The husband rushes back, sees a pile of dead doctors, nurses and orderlies, all the while his wife is screaming, "Where's my baby? What's wrong with my baby?" Such an opening hooks you instantly, but the rest of the film never lives up to the initial shock. Instead, the film digresses down the road of the cathardic and the implausible for most of its duration.

That's not to say the film is terrible - it just could have been much more. Though I doubt a cock-eyed baby puppet could have instilled genuine fear for too terribly long (hey, it was early, pre-"American Werewolf in London" Rick Baker, so I won't knock the puppet too much). It was getting pretty silly about fifteen minutes in as the inevitable question: "How is a newborn baby able to take out humans faster than a rabid wolf, much less plague an entire city?" No, a larger focus seems to be the duality of the father and the mother, the latter hopes her baby will return to her, the former totes shotgun in hand, hoping to score the kill himself. I had a genuinely tough time trying to discern whether the humor and hammy acting were intentional or incidental. I fear the second is likely the truth. Nevertheless, that unintentional scenery chewing and hoakiness make it fun fare, if nothing else.

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