Thursday, July 15, 2010

My Favorite Fifty of 2009

While such a list might seem frivolous at this stage in my film blog, I still felt it a necessary point to provide closure to the project. Furthermore, probably the greater purpose of this post is to provide a breakdown of some "must see films" for those of you who share my movie tastes. Keep in mind that these are not the fifty films I felt were objectively the best. This list is entirely subjective and is comprised of my favorite fifty films that I saw last year (that ranking based solely on enjoyability). I didn't count entries that I'd seen before, in part or in whole ("Shawshank Redemption," "Phase IV," "The Last Wave," etc) nor did I count seasons of television shows ("Dexter," "Twin Peaks," MST3K entries). In creating this list, I simply collected the titles for all the films I ranked at a 4/5 or higher and asked myself: "If I could watch only one of these movies again, which would it be?" and after one was selected, I continued in that manner. Preamble aside, here's the breakdown. (Note: all my reviews of these films are still posted on this blog).

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1. Picnic at Hanging Rock - A brilliant exercise in atmosphere and obsession. My late best friend hailed it as one of his favorite films and as such, one of my great regrets is not having watched this with him.

2. Into the Wild - A more romantic depiction of a life on the road there has never been. It was the perfect film to watch on my road trip to the Grand Canyon and I struggled to fight back man tears.

3. Le Cercle Rouge - Jean-Pierre Melville at his finest, demonstrating that the French really are badasses.

4. Day of the Locust - Hysterical and terrifying all at once, this is a film I keep revisiting like a hard drug.

5. Inglorious Basterds - Tarantino's finest slice of cinematic masturbation to date - history told from a thirteen year-old's mentality.

6. Dementia - A nightmarish, dialog-free film noir that still leaves me amazed that it was ever made, much less in the 1950's.

7. Russian Ark - The yang to Dementia's yin, this dreamy tour through three-hundred years of Russian history concentrates more on mesmerizing the viewer than educating him.

8. The Lost Skeleton Returns Again - Hands down, the funniest film I saw last year. There were times I feared I was going to vomit from long segues of guffawing.

9. Black Narcissus - I became a fan of the Powell/Pressberger team through a number of their opuses, but this Technicolor marvel is their masterpiece.

10. Fitzcarraldo - A character study of a hopeless dreamer and a madman that also serves as an allegory for the Herzog's uncanny filmmaking.

11. Peur(s) du Noir - At it's worst, this film is a bit uneven, but it's anthology of sumptuous ghost stories told through varying forms of excellent animation is still a welcome change from the conventional animated fare.

12. Seance on a Wet Afternoon - A meditative caper surrounding a delusional psychic and her henpecked hubby is, at times, more Hitchcockian than Hitchcock.

13. Interstella 5555 - Basing a story around a preexisting pop CD is a unique concept for an animated film and thankfully the result is a kinetic, pumping ride.

14. Long Weekend - A film that continues to chill me upon repeat viewings and a paranoia-infused story that redefines the animal-attack genre for horror.

15. District 9 - The best surprise of 2009's summer, this allegory of apartheid and the foolhardy measures to alleviate it was as through-provoking as it was entertaining.

16. Europa - From the moment Max von Sydow's voice carries you into another world, this hypnotic, post-war world, you're hooked, and in the end, you're left thinking what a shame it is that this film represents the zenith of everything Lars von Trier has worked so hard to eschew in his filmmaking.

17. A Face in the Crowd - There's no looking at Andy Griffith the same after he uses his "aw shucks" grin and guitar strumming to woo America into feeding his crazed, megalomaniacal ways.

18. Hot Fuzz - How do you make one of the best parodies of the action genre possible? Easy - you create a caricature of the genre, filled with more fights and explosions than can be counted and the laughs come naturally.

19. Zombieland - Two overtired genres: the zombie flick and the "awkward teen wants the girl" romedy are infused with new life in this delightful amalgamation.

20. The Big Clock - Ticking with more tension than the name may suggest, Charles Laughton steals the scene as a punctuality-obsessed murderer who was undoubtedly the inspiration for Bob Kane's Clock King.

21. King of Kong - Competition in the video game world never looked fiercer than it does in this documentary set on the 8-bit plane.

22. Vampire Circus - This epitome of "guilty pleasure" still has never received a DVD release, which is a shame since it's one of the most entertaining entries in the Hammer Studios legacy.

23. Withnail & I - Richard Griffiths steals the show as a licentious thespian who lusts after the drug-addled duo of protagonists in this comedy that could be easily likened to "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."

24. Ace in the Hole - Billy Wilder and Kirk Douglas are both at the top of their game in this social commentary on corruption in the media - a theme that continues to resonate today.

25. Onibaba - A stylish, cautionary tale about succumbing to temptation that unfolds like a folk tale told around the fire.

26. Elephant - Gus Van Sant's depiction of a school shooting makes the pit of your stomach drop because it provides no easy, Hollywood-inspired heroes or cliches, making it seem all too real.

27. Waltz with Bashir - The fact that this did not win the Best Animated Oscar is proof as to how Pixar-centric the Academy is, especially since the animation is used to mask the traumatic memories of war rather than to make an animal talk for the sake of easy entertainment. Then again, it probably would have won had it not been released the same year as...

28. WALL-E - I still find "Waltz with Bashir" the more powerful of the two films, but damned if that little robot doesn't tug at the heart-strings by exhibiting more humanity than most actors.

29. Burn, Witch, Burn - Superstition and witchcraft are at the heart of this tale that analyzes how a rational man would deal with the supernatural if confronted with it.

30. Dead Ringers - I long felt that Jeremy Irons was the shit. Watching him turn in two tortured performances in the roles of twin gynecologists is just the icing on the cake.

31. Star Trek - This film easily ranks up there with "Casino Royale" or "Batman Begins" in terms of franchise reboots that failed to disappoint (all of it's implausibilities aside).

32. Yellow Submarine - Who needs drugs when the movie takes care of the acid trips for you?

33. Elevator to the Gallows - A darkly humorous slice of French New Wave surrounding a "perfect plan" that goes horrendously awry thanks to a weekend stay in an elevator.

34. Paths of Glory - This dethrones "Joyeux Noel" as my favorite World War I film, both for its dark tone and for the simple fact that George MacReady is so damned surreptitious and evil.

35. Murder on the Orient Express - A cavalcade of prominent actors, headed by Albert Finney, makes this the most enjoyable Poirot adaptation I've seen to date.

36. Downfall - Before it became an Internet meme, this film was a heart-wrenching look at Hitler's last days in his bunker.

37. The Shout - Another Aussie flick that leaves the viewer wondering where Aboriginal spirituality ends and insanity begins thanks to its unreliable narrator.

38. Atonement - Simply put: tracking shots don't make a movie, but I'll be damned if they don't make them memorable.

39. L.A. Confidential - This sizzling neo-noir made a handful of careers (Crowe, Pearce, Basinger, etc) with its outstanding story...to bad the nation was too swept up in Titanic Fever in 1997.

40. To Live - Before Yimou Zhang became famous for his visual style in films like "Hero" or "House of Flying Daggers," he made a heartwarming yarn about the strength of family in times of turmoil and national upheaval.

41. Kiss of Death - I never understood why either Victor Mature or Richard Widmark had the "star status" they did until I saw them show their dark sides (particularly by the latter) in this depraved story of betrayal in the criminal underworld.

42. Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid - My pal Dave Levy said it best: "The greatest character actor film of all time."

43. Crimes and Misdemeanors - Woody Allen's most introspective drama yields the performance of a career by Martin Landau as an opthamologist who contemplates murder as an easy out to an adulterous affair.

44. Madamoiselle - Jeanne Moreau plays her role like a clenched fist in this cinematic psychoanalysis of the madness that can arise as a result of repressed sexuality.

45. The Wrestler - I can understand Mickey Rourke not winning Best Actor for his performance in this film, for it is an accommodating allegory for many elements of his life. That still doesn't diminish it's powerhouse impact on your heart.

46. Advise and Consent - Typically the terms 'political' and 'thriller' are to words that I find contradictory. Not so in Preminger's scathing critique of the United States' political machine.

47. The Lives of Others - A superb story that exhibits the curse of conscience in wartime (even during a Cold War).

48. Election - Despite my being a teacher and finding the humor all too real, Alexander Payne's directorial debut is still a fabulous mockery of the politics and education.

49. My Dinner With Andre - Logically speaking, a two-hour film that's nothing more than a filmed conversation sounds boring as hell, but damned if I didn't find myself as engrossed in the anecdotes as Wallace Shawn does.

50. Timecrimes - I was actually torn between this film and "Primer" for rounding out the list. Ironic since both are tales of time travel that dismiss flicks like "Back to the Future" as nonsense and positively boggle the mind.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Days 347-361: Titles and Ranks will vary

Okay, despite my having summer off from job #2, I seem to have my time consumed just as bad as before. Ergo, I'll try to sum up the final fifteen films I took in during my year of "a new movie a day" as succinctly as possible. Yes, I know it's sad that I stay busy to the point that it's come to this. C'est la vie, I suppose. Anyway, while I sadly fell short of my 2009 New Year's Resolution, it was only by four entries. I've been consoled that technically, I probably exceeded the goal, since I counted entire television series seasons as a single entry (like the 22 hours of Twin Peaks Season Two was counted the same as an hour and a half film would be), but I don't share such sentiment. Be that as it may, it was still a fun experiment that got me indulging in a number of films that I may never have seen. That being said, here are the last fifteen I've been needing to review for seven months (shit, I am lazy):

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Day 347: Blackboard Jungle (1955) - Rank 3.5/5 - A melodramatic look at tough schools and the instructors that grapple with the mad students that roam their halls. This film sparked the creation of a subgenre that has influenced countless followers (from Dead Poets Society to Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit), including yet another treacly subgenre, the inspirational sports movie (Coach Carter, Friday Night Lights, etc.) Glenn Ford turns in an excellent performance and even Sidney Poitier makes an early appearance as a thug - a bad bit of karma that would come to bite him in the ass as we see with the next entry...

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Day 348: To Sir, With Love (1967) - Rank 4/5 - The plot of this film is essentially the same as "Blackboard Jungle," except Poitier is now on the defensive end as the school instructor. Less ass-kicking and more love power than its predecessor makes it seem a little less dated, though not by much. It's Poitier's performance that makes this movie.

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Day 349: The Prize (1963) - Rank 3.5/5 - Paul Newman stars as a Nobel Prize winner in Literature who bumbles into uncovering a kidnapping plot surrounding a German physicist (Edward G. Robinson). The film bears a remarkable Hitchcockian influence and it's far more enthralling than Newman and Hitchcock's collaboration - "Torn Curtain." However, there are moments where it seems like the director is working too hard to pay homage to the master of suspense, sacrificing serious tension in the process.

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Day 350: A Scanner Darkly (2006) - Rank 4.5/5 - Paranoia-fueled double-dealing in a not-too-distant future injects a great deal of life into this animated Richard Linklater adaptation of a Philip K. Dick tale. Reeves turns in an excellent performance, all jokes about his wooden soliloquizing aside, as an undercover cop that begins to lose both his mind and his identity while investigating a motley crew of eccentric hoods (Robert Downey Jr., Woody Harrelson, etc.). The unique blend of conspiracy madness and psychedelic animation leaves you with a high after watching.

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Day 351: King of Kings (1961) - Rank 3.5/5 - An epic in the vein of "Ben-Hur" and "The Ten Commandments." This time, the Christian topic of cinema is the life of Jesus Christ. Such a theme could easily turn into a dogmatic slice of Catholic propaganda, but the religious themes never feel overbearing (granted, that's coming from someone who was raised Catholic, so I'm sure my objectivity is a tad skewed, but I scarcely think of myself as having an altar boy mentality). Production values are as lavish as the palace of Herod (and Salome's dance for John the Baptist's head is quite the spectacle). The performances are acceptable, but far from exceptional, though be sure to watch for Rip Torn in an early role as Judas.

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Day 352: Earth Vs. the Flying Saucers (1956) - Rank 3/5 - If you can't determine the plot of the movie by the title, then it's a sad state of affairs for you. The plot is a fairly conventional one - aliens start attacking Earth after the foolish humans take the offensive position at the onset of the film's exposition. However, what makes it more nostalgic and watchable are the special effects by Ray Harryhausen, which boast a destruction of Washington D.C., paving the scorched way for Joe Viskocil.

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Day 353: Warrior of the Lost World (1983) - Rank 2/5 - A Mad Max ripoff that features Donald Pleasance humbling himself for a meager paycheck. 'Nuff said.

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Day 354: Diner (1982) - Rank 3.5/5 - The film that put Barry Levinson (as well as its stars, such as Steve Guttenberg and Kevin Bacon) on the map is a series of nights spent boasting over greasy burgers and colas. It's akin to the directorial efforts of other auteurs who utilized their Hollywood budgets to recreate their childhoods ("American Graffiti," "Dazed and Confused," "SLC Punk," etc), but the overall tale lacks the cohesion that brings it up to their level.

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Day 355: You Can Count On Me (2000)- Rank 4/5 - A single mother's world is turned upside-down when her estranged, rakish brother crashes back into her life. What could have easily been a conventional and forgettable plot is made noteworthy be outstanding performances by Laura Linney, Mark Ruffalo and Matthew Broderick. Even Rory Culkin holds his own. Only writer/director Kenneth Lonergan is painfully intolerable in his brief, self-indulgent role.

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Day 356: Little Otik (2004) - Rank 4.5/5 - This Czech folk tale comes across as a nightmare under the guise of the creator behind Alice. A barren wife is gifted with a tree stump carved to resemble a child by her henpecked husband. On the verge of a nervous breakdown, the woman begins to believe that it's really an actual child to the point that the stump comes to life. The result is what you'd get if you slipped acid into Ray Harryhausen's coffee cup. Once the child eats the family cat, leaving behind a mangled pile of fur, blood and bones, the story enters a very dark territory that plunges ever deeper into the horrific realm of disturbing children's tales.

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Day 357: Night of the Blood Beast (1958) - Rank 1.5/5 - An astronaut comes back to Earth, dead at first, but later is reanimated, laden with a belly full of aliens. What should have been fun 1950's B-grade horror schlock ended up as an exercise in tedium.

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Days 358-360: It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (2005-2008) - I'd only seen one episode of this show prior to buying the entire series (or at least as many as there are available on DVD). I have no regrets in my spending. The antics of "I Love Lucy" mixed with the indolence and selfishness of "Seinfeld" yields a match made in heaven. Danny DeVito as the foul-mouthed patriarch of this clan of petty individuals is the icing on the cake.

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Day 361: Burn, Witch, Burn (1962) - Rank 5/5 - The influence of Richard Matheson on this modern ghost yarn is both obvious and welcome. A professor of folklore learns that his wife is a witch and when he forces her to cease all her "superstitious" ways, he finds himself the target of other masters of the black arts. Comparable with the mood and theme of "Curse of the Demon," this was an excellent finish to my experiment.

Well, there's the last of them. For those one or two people who actually follow this blog, my apologies for my inconsistency in recent months. I have too many projects for my own good...

Friday, June 18, 2010

Day 346: Cache (2006) - Rank 4.5/5

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When we opened this film at the Baxter, I remember the stunning silences that accompanied the credits. Every so often, an art film comes through that leaves our octogenarian base puzzling over what the film was about (as well as wondering where they left their car keys). Needless to say, Michael Hancke's masterwork in repressed memories and emotions excels in ambiguity. Hancke's camerawork and the absence of music in most scenes to add a voyeuristic touch, as if the viewer is a third invisible party to the game that is being played with the target Georges Laurent, as he's plagued with VHS tapes that docuemnt his home and activities and grisly crayon drawings. Furthermore, I would go as far as to say that it's one of the best psychological thrillers I've seen in some time, for as you've probably already surmised, Hancke doesn't sacrifice the atmosphere he's generated by taking on a "clear-cut, Hollywood ending."

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Day 345: Fahrenheit 451 (1966) - Rank 3.5/5

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One of Bradbury's most renowned books received a decent screen adaptation thanks to the expertise of Francois Truffaut. For those unfamiliar with the plot, the story is set in a dystopian future where the printed word is outlawed. Guy Montag, the main protagonist, is a professional bookburner - an avocation generated by an amalgamation of Cold War fears as well as references to the Third Reich it seems. Montag decides to indulge in reading when he acquires a text during a routine burning and soon he finds his mindset shifting as the power of reading influences his mind. The story's a solid one and Truffaut's visual sense creates a bleak but visually distinct look for the future (akin to the world created in "A Clockwork Orange"). The film's main drawback is the performance by Oskar Werner as Guy Montag, a role that he woefully underplays. I'm aware that in this fictitious future that he is a mere cog, regulated by perscriptions, and a muting of emotions is to be expected, but Werner is damn near comatose for most of the film (a surprising outcome since he'd collaborated with Truffaut before). At least his performance does not detract from the story's uplifting message.

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Sunday, May 9, 2010

Day 344: The Corpse Vanishes (1942) - Rank 2/5

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Ah Bela, I'll give you an extra point for ranking because I love you so, but your choice of material...ugh... The premise of the film is a familiar one - a mad scientist, grief-stricken by his wife's unsightly appearance, decides to harvest what he needs from young, nubile, virginal nymphs. Permutations of this set-up include (but certainly aren't limited to) "The Awful Dr. Orlaf," "Eyes without a Face," "The Hand that Feeds the Dead" and..."The Dark Crystal"...yeah. Not a horrendous performance by Lugosi (clearly working as best he could with what he had), but when a 62 minute feature has me anxiously looking at my watch, it's not a good thing.

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Day 343: Following (1998) - Rank 4/5

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Before "The Dark Knight," "The Prestige" or even "Memento," Christopher Nolan churned out this delightful slice of neo-noir in grainy, black-and-white 16mmm film stock on the back alleys of London. It focuses on a down-and-out writer who is a "follower" - not to be confused with a stalker, for he changes his target every day - and is carrying out his peculiar habits in the hope that he will find much-needed inspiration. But when one of his marks both spots him, the man strangely welcomes the writer into his shady world of serial burglary. It's not long before the unnamed protagonist finds a load of charges, including murder, dropped in his lap as a result of the association. Nolan's characteristic, nonlinear storytelling is present, and with a great script and cast, it's no wonder that this project put him on the map and sent him on his way to bigger stuff.

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Saturday, May 8, 2010

Day 342: Le Cercle Rouge (1953) - Rank 5/5

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Over time, Jean-Pierre Melville has grown to be one of my favorite French directors. "Bob le flambeur," "Le Doulos," and "Le Samourai" all smack of brilliance. But, without a doubt, "Le Cercle Rouge" happens to be his best. I know this will come as a slap in the face to those diehards that hold "Le Samourai" atop a pedestal, and rightfully so, since it turns both film noir and French new wave on their heads (like "Le Samourai," this film has a dash of Asian influence). However, the tale of a motley trio - one man an ex-con who rips off the mob on his first day out of jail, the second, an escaped convict and the third, an alcoholic, disgraced detective - out to rob a jewel store is a masterpiece of storytelling. The heist that links the three is reminiscent of "Rififi" but it's not the crux of the tale. The interactions among the three men are complex and subdued, but never convoluted. Clearly Melville at the height of his game, and it's a damned shame the man passed away a mere two years after completing the story.

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Day 341: M. Hulot's Holiday (1953) - Rank 3.5/5

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The adventures of Monseuir Hulot have often been cited as the source for countless, social misfits in cinema - from Mr. Bean to Ernest P. Worrell. Writer/director/star Jacques Tati has also been credited as an innovator in the comedy field. This all in mind, I was a bit surprised at how little I found myself laughing aloud. I'd expected to be seized in a fit of apoplectic guffawing at least once in the film, but no dice. Instead, I found myself more fascinated at how the entire plot was one giant Rube Goldberg device, with not only the principal players, but every extra involved having some schtick that interacted with the larger tale. Again, the foibles of all involved were never slapstick nor witty (the film possessing very little spoken dialogue), but despite this, I did have a smile on my face the entire time. So to call the film one of the funniest movies ever made is a gross misjudgment, but to call it one of the most endearing films, I feel, would be quite apropos.

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Day 340: The Cars That Ate Paris (1974) - Rank 3/5

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After falling in love with "The Last Wave" and "Picnic at Hanging Rock" both, I became absolutely curious about Peter Weir's earlier work. The initial works of famous directors are always hit or miss, though films like "Hard Eight," "Pi," "Frankenweenie," "Following" and the like have given me newer appreciations for some of my favorite directs. Sadly, that's not really the case here. While "The Cars that Ate Paris" is fun for 1970's drive-in fare, it scarcely seems comparable with Weir's later work, serving as no indication that he could create the films he has. In addition, to watch the film objectively, it leaves me even more unmoved, for the story seems terribly conventional, if not contrived. The idea of a town that profits off of road accidents has humorous potential, but not for an entire film. In the end, it feels like the storyline was created just so the crew would have an excuse to drive cars into buildings. More akin to what I would picture for early Michael Bay, not Weir.

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Day 339: There Will Be Blood (2007) - Rank 5/5

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I won't lie - this wasn't my first time watching this film. No, not by such a long shot. Paul Thomas Anderson's masterpiece grows better for me every time, whereas I know that many of my cronies actually begin to see increasing imperfections in its storyline upon repeat viewing. To me, there's something positively fascinating about Daniel Day-Lewis' Daniel Plainview. In short, he's a crazy, selfish sociopath that you find yourself rooting for. Furthermore, the film could also be seen as an allegory (or criticism) of the proverbial "American dream" - that old mentality that any Joe can pull himself up by his bootstraps and become a success in this grand ole country of ours. Plainview does just that, but through diabolical and manipulative means. Milkshake lines or not, you still can't help but smile as he finally bests everyone whom he decides to have a vendetta against. Many questions remain about Plainview after the film, from his motivations to his ultimate outcome, but I'm only left with one query: how on Earth will Anderson top this?

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Day 338: Evangelion 1.0: You Are (Not) Alone (2008) - Rank 3.5/5

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I feel like it's hard to rate the film properly, for I'm unfamiliar with the "Neon Genesis: Evangelion" series. Throughout a great deal of the film, I felt as if I should be proclaiming "Bitchin'!" but I lacked the proper context to truly revel in the film's vivid, kinetic glory. Furthermore, this is a film that needs to be reviewed in reference to the original series and I cannot do that either. However, speaking as an objective viewer, who felt more like he was watching part 7 of an ongoing series when he was unfamiliar with the previous installments, I can say the film achieved one major thing of note. It got me intrigued about what I'd missed. There's just something about a series that features antagonists that are an amalgamation of machine, monster, man and myth that is so delightfully quintessential in Japanese animation culture. The "Angels" - creatures that challenge the plucky, young heroes of the tale - possess no set form or power. It varies from one incarnation to the next, not unlike Gozer. 'So,' you ask yourself, 'what you're saying is the series is like a Japanese Ghostbusters?' Um...no, but for simplicity's sake...let's say, yes.

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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Day 337: Not Quite Hollywood (2009) - Rank 4/5

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"Quentin Tarantino presents" has become synonymous with projects that are worth a watch, though they often pale in comparison to the efforts of their sponsor. "Not Quite Hollywood" came as a strong recommendation to me after I began to devour the Aussie section at Wild and Woolly Video. The recent documentary, which focuses on the struggles and exploits of early, low-budget Australian "Hollywood," is a novel view, nothing more. The film interviews countless folks involved in the drive-in schlock that came out of the land down under in the 1970's and it serves as a great showcase. However, I would liken it to eating at a buffet, for it mainly piques your interest in the films presented rather than satiating your appetite for ozsploitation on the whole. I just found the documentary too one-sided (on the side of the B-movie auteurs, who pooh-poohed other writer/directors of the era, like Peter Weir, more than they talked up their own works), and I'm a man who likes his documentaries as objective as possible. Still, there's no denying that this film resulted in drastic changes of my Netflix queue...


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Day 336: The Conversation (1974) - Rank 4.5/5

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This film serves as a testament as to why I love Gene Hackman. Granted, the veteran actor has gotten to the point in his career that often, Gene Hackman is merely playing Gene Hackman (similar to the methods of Jack Nicholson or Christopher Walken). "Superman" is a prime, early example of when that transition began to take place. Be that as it may, "The Conversation" is a fantastic film that remains buried in an atmosphere of suspicion and distrust from the get-go. There's no unnecessary exposition, for the "conversation" in question begins rolling with the credits. I also find it remarkable that Francis Ford Coppola managed to sneak in production of this film between Godfathers. While it may lack the scope of the crime tales that made Coppola famous, the film does contain more layers than an onion, ranking it higher on repeat viewability (if I can be so permitted to make up such a word) than any Godfather installment.
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Day 335: The Miracle Worker (1962) - Rank 4.5/5

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Okay, after a horrendous hiatus due to the commitments with my current film project, I'm endeavoring to wrap up the last of last year's reviews in a succinct manner. Succinct scarcely describes the efforts on Annie Sullivan's part to teach young Helen Keller some manner of semblance in the cinematic adaptation of William Gibson's play. Both Anne Bancroft and Patty Duke turn in powerhouse performances as Sullivan and Keller, respectively speaking. While the fights between the two have been the fodder of parody for decades, there's no denying the grueling battle of wits that ensues; one that leaves any viewer genuinely exhausted by the end of the film. And speaking from the viewpoint of a teacher, it makes me admit that my bad days ain't so bad by comparison.

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Day 334: The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976) - Rank 3.5/5

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David Bowie is an alien? Well, no shit. Nicolas Roeg directs the singer in a dreamlike satire of the planet Earth. Sent to our world in search of a way to bring water back to his drought-ridden planet, Thomas Newton (Bowie) quickly generates a tremendous wealth by patenting advanced technology from his home (...transparent aluminum?). He soon rises to power and fame, but a fate of dissolution and addition creeps into his life as he falls prey to the very temptations that all other humans do.

The visual style of the film is remarkable, but considering Roeg's background, it's not surprising. Bowie performs surprisingly well, considering that this is his first major role in a film. He receives excellent support from Rip Torn, who refrains from hamming it up too much considering he's in the guise of a rakish, eccentric scientist. "The Man Who Fell to Earth" has a great deal going for it, but it's greatest downfall is its final act, as the film switches gears from Howard's quest to leave the planet to his seeming imprisonment. The film gets lost within itself, not unlike it's lead actor. This rough and almost clumsy transition throws off a smooth exercise in the surreal, snapping the viewer out of the hypnosis Roeg generated and leaving in it's place, confusion. I have to add, in the film's defense, that it has grown on my in retrospect, for the tale of an alien, far greater than any man, falling prey to the banalities of everyday life does play out like a science-fiction parable.

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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Day 333: The Roaring Twenties (1939) - Rank 3.5/5

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Cagney, Bogart and bootlegging...what else need I say? Another period piece, designed to capture the spirit and essence of a certain era, similar to "Radio Days." However, the retrospective is a little less nostalgic that Allen's film or others of that ilk, which I mentioned in the review. The film seems intent on recreating many of the important historical events of the decade, but that dedication, while appreciated (speaking as one who has a penchant for the era), also distances it from emotion a bit more.

Centered around a WWI vet named Eddie Bartlett who becomes a prime time bootlegger(James Cagney), we get our proper tastes of the grand times that prohibition brought for the mob, tommyguns and all, as well as the cruelty of the stock market crash. Bartlett starts out as a lowly cab driver, struggling to make ends meet, but then he meets a dark dame with a hand in the underworld (the always welcome Gladys George) and after pairing up with a fellow former soldier (Bogart), teh booze and bullets flow like there's no tomorrow. The narrative disassociates the viewer from the primary characters a bit as I mentioned, but on the whole, considering the principle leads involved, it's hard for it to not hold your interest.

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Sunday, February 21, 2010

Day 332: Radio Days (1987) - Rank 4/5

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A nice little slice of nostalgia compliments of Woody Allen. The film is absent of both his zany rigmarole that is guides films like "Sleeper" or "Love and Death," as well as the self-deprecation or angst that works its way into many of his films, from "Annie Hall" to "Crimes and Misdemeanors." "Radio Days" plays out like a series of vignettes, changing as often as, appropriately enough, the programming on a radio station. Allen is never present in his film, but he serves as the narrator. As he reminisces about his youth, we're treated to a series of anecdotes that helped shape who he became. The central force tying all of these stories together (and quite often instigating them) is the radio. From his family playing along with "Guess that Tune" to an interrupted first date as a result of Orson Welles' "War of the Worlds" broadcast, the gossip, shows and songs of the radio influence all around him.

A pleasant aspect to the film is it's lack of any message, save perhaps a mild theme about how we are products of our environments. No social commentary on introversion, infidelity or inadequacy - just fun. To put it simply, of all of Woody's films, this by far feels like his most honest and heartfelt piece, and naturally so, for we're watching his childhood. It's akin to George Lucas' "American Graffiti" or Richard Linkletter's "Dazed and Confused." They're taking advantage of the medium they work in to share their youth with us. Some might view that as egocentric, but I love these films because you're absolutely immersed in a time and culture long gone. The costumes, the music, the morals...they're all there, and the screen is so saturated with the sentiment of an auteur that it's hard to not wax nostalgic about your own childhood upon leaving the cinema.

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Day 331: Long Weekend (1978) - Rank 4.5/5

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This is yet another film I wish I had seen when I was younger - and not because it's a children's film. "Long Weekend," if it could be categorized, would best fall into the "animal attack" genre. I've long been a fan of such films and that fandom was sparked by "Day of the Animals." I first saw William Girdler's macabre commentary on the problem of depleting ozone levels during "Super Scary Saturday" on TBS (a venue for drive-in B-movies from the 1960's and 1970's, hosted by Al Lewis in Grandpa Munster guise). While most kids would be traumatized by an R-rated depiction of a group of campers being attacked by everything int eh woods, save the kitchen sink, I totally dug it. Colin Eggleston's "Long Weekend" goes a step further - he throws in the kitchen sink.

Not only are opossums and hawks the creatures antagonizing a vacationing couple, but even the very trees seem to be striking out. The organisms never move as Enths do, but branches falls off at coincidental moments. On the surface, the film seems a clear-cut "nature takes its revenge" storyline. Peter and Marcia spray insecticides around their camping area, plow through the underbrush in their four-wheeler, shoot a duogong for shits and giggles, etc. and the assault is justice on the part of the forest. However, below that, there are a lot of strange elements that seem almost contrary to that simple plot. There's a crossbow that fires by an unseen hand, the cries of the duogong continue after its death until its body appears on the edge of the camp, a submerged bus with the corpse of a young woman rests a quarter mile from the shore. These items are never explained, nor are they explored, sowing a sense of distrust between the audience and the film. Is there something going on beyond the forest striking back that the victims and the viewers cannot comprehend, or are the campers simply going mad? This pushes the film more into the realm of "Polanski thriller" than mere B-horror. An arthouse animal attack film, is you will.

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Day 330: Salome's Last Dance (1988) - Rank 4/5

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Within the first five minutes of the film, there's no doubt you're watching a Ken Russell film. From the outlandish characters to the elaborate sets, the viewer is treated to a saturation of excess and Wilde. Set in the late 19th century, Oscar Wilde (Nickolas Grace) and his lover, Lord Douglas, visit an opulent brothel in high London. The two are treated to a play that has been arranged by the brothel's owner, Alfred (Stratford Johns). The piece? "Salome's Last Dance" written by Oscar Wilde. Wilde is then treated to an adaptation of his play where the parts are played by the establishment's prostitutes. Wilde enjoys the production and other activities throughout.

Not one of Russell's strongest, but not his weakest either. It could best be described as "eye candy" (an apropos description considering Glenda Jackson is playing the titular Salome). The visuals are positively striking and the performances delightfully campy. However, apart from the basic description provided above, there's not much substance to it. It seems that it's merely an exercise in fun, and possibly self-gratification, for the director. But considering that directors like Quentin Tarantino have a resume of films that are nothing but cinematic masturbation, so to speak, then I suppose all directors are permitted such pieces now and again. One final note: if there was ever a character actor destined to play my friend Robert Boston in a film, it would easily be Stratford Johns.
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Day 329: A Face in the Crowd (1957) - Rank 5/5

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While "The Giant Claw" was "terrorizing" folks on theater screens in 1957, other screens were offering up a different monster - Lonsesome Rhodes. Lonesome was not a giant bird from an antimatter universe, but a hopeless drunk who stumbles into the big time. The character of Lonesome is analogous to characters like Daniel Plainview - a sociopath with power that you find yourself strangely enjoying and, at times, rooting for. Played by Andy Griffith with iniquitous zeal, Lonesome Rhodes is a chimera of society's ugliest aspects.

Plucked from a drunk tank in a backwoods town by a local radio show hostess (Patricia Neal), Lonesome shares his homespun wisdom and a song with his sheepish drawl across the airwaves. Before he knows it, he has a sponsor, then two. His ascension into the nation's public eye enables him to dabble in everything from corporate bureaucracies to politics, and each new realm Lonesome stretches into enhances his greed and power hungry nature all the more. The story of a down-on-his-luck artist catching the break of a lifetime and making it big is a staple of Hollywood, and the corruption of the soul by power is typically the cliched angle the scripts take. But director Elia Kazan never tries to convince you that Lonesome is a good-tempered rube who falls into wrong - Lonesome is the same, self-centered rogue that spent every weekend in the drunk tank; however, he now has influence and wealth to heighten his ego and vices. How Andy Griffith failed to receive any award recognition for his powerhouse performance is beyond my ken (especially since this was his debut on film). My only hypothesis is that he was too new to Hollywood at the time. Had he shown his darker side after becoming a household name as Sheriff Taylor, he might have turned more heads, though it's also likely that at that stage, he would have never been considered for the role in the first place.

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Day 328: The Giant Claw (1957) - Rank 3.5/5

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From the dark recesses of my childhood, one wrought with many a Saturday afternoon spent watching cheesy horror films, comes "The Giant Claw." It's hard to believe that as a kid, this movie creeped the shit out of me. Why? It's was that damned bird marionette. That puppet looks like how the devil might have appeared to Jim Henson had he a Hunter S. Thompson lifestyle. I still recollect the lazy summer evenings where I would suspiciously eye the dusk sky, waiting for that damned bird to swoop down and eat me, emitting it's vicious laugh (the sound of the bird's cry actually sounds like the orgasm of a harp seal reversed with a lot of reverb). To look at the thing now and imagine that it was once terrifying sounds laughable.
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But other creatures that haunted my dreams from my childhood, like G'Mork from "The Neverending Story"
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Lord Kuruku from "Unico on the Island of Magic"
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and not included is the sketch drawing John Lithgow does of bigfoot in "Harry and the Hendersons."

The film is as insipid as the monster itself, but it's so laughably absurd, it's actually fun. The bird flies in a predictable spiral pattern, branching ever outward from the point where it entered our world. Where did it come from? The scientists explain that during an atomic test during a top secret radar experiment a dimensional door was opened to an antimatter universe and this bird, from 17,000 B.C. on the parallel Earth came forward in time to our world. Simple enough. I talk about that shit happening in my science class all the time. Pretty common really. Where do you think "The Bozo Show's" Wizzo the Wizard came from? (speaking of terrifying characters from my childhood...)
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...or just this.

Day 327: Q (1982) - Rank 2.5/5

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Okay, despite living sans home computer for three months now, I need to finish my year's reviews. I started reviewing at the end of February of last year, so I suppose if I complete the process within the next week, the delay won't be too admonishable (watch me not finish until April now). I snagged "Q" simply because it was a movie with the title "Q." Like "M," a single letter title piques interest. Unlike "M," "Q" does not hold interest that well. Another brain child of Larry Cohen, the mastermind behind "It's Alive," "Q" is another monster flick that features a mythical bird rather than a mutated child. The delightfully cheesy poster tagline says it all: "Its name is Quetzalcoatl... just call it Q, that's all you'll have time to say before it tears you apart!"

The serpent/bird attacks are the nonsense that bring two parallel story lines into the same fold. On one side of the city, Detective Shepherd (David Carradine) is investigating a series of murders where each victim is found skinned from head to toe. On the other side of town, small-time crook Jimmy Quinn (Michael Moriarty) is running from the cops after a jewel heist gone sour and ends up at the top of the Chrysler Building where Q has its nest. Jimmy tries to extort the city for profit in exchange for knowing the bird's lair, Shepherd comes to realize that the museum's expert on Aztec monsters is the guy who brought the creature to life, Carradine and costar Richard Roundtree wander around bored for a bit and the finale to King Kong is redone. Entertaining schlock at points I suppose, but the film does disprove my friend Bryan's theory that "any film that features boobs and decapitation in the first ten minutes is awesome!"

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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Day 326: Black Narcissus (1947) - Rank 5/5

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I...love...Technicolor. "Black Narcissus" splashes the screen with all the colors of the East in a manner so marvelous, it gives recent explorations in teh region, such as "Monsoon Wedding" or "Vanity Fair" or...um..."Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" a damn good run for their money. To label a story about a group of nuns a Technicolor spectacle almost seems contradictory, for black and white scarcely necessitate the film medium. But the stark white of the habits create excellent juxtapositions with the rosy hue of Deborah Kerr's cheeks, to say nothing of the monochromatic dresses of the nuns pitted against the multi-hued royal palace where they settle down.

The tale seems a paltry one at first - a band of nuns open up a new mission and must battle the elements as they win the people's hearts. The location is delightfully exotic - the palace of Mopu, set high in the Himilayas just off the beaten path from Darjeeling, India. But the picturesque setting holds an unseen power - one that draws out the insecuritues of the sisters. Sister Ruth's sexual desires run mad, mixed with a dash of hypocondria and mental instability. Sister Philippa plants flowers rather than vegetables, reasoning that something about the beauty of the place betrayed her logic. Even Sister Clodagh (Kerr) experiences a similar sexual frustration to the others, brought about by reoccurring memories of an unrequited love, the presence of the "charming" Mr. Dean (David Farrar) and the erotic perfume of the local young general(Sabu) - the infamous Black Narcissus.

The complexities behind the fragment psyches of the nuns draws you in, much as the nuns are drawn to the brooding and mysterious atmosphere of the palace. There are many moments that are positively chilling, such as the scene where Clodagh walks into Sister Ruth's room and finds her in a civilian's dress with lipstick as red as blood. The nun, fallen prey to her own madness and temptation, is a far scarier creature than those conjured up by the likes of Jack Pierce. As Ruth continues to apply makeup, Clodagh begins reading scripture, a duel of wits that's absolutely masterful. Perfectly executed and deep in structure and message, "Black Narcissus" rivals "Mother Joan of the Angels" "The Devils" and "Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit" where dark stories about nuns are concerned. Yes, I know I'm bad...

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Day 325: Walkabout (1971) - Rank 4/5

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"Walkabout" is a dark and terse coming-of-age story in the wilds of the Australian outback. The film derives its title from the Aboriginal rite of passage ceremony where the young males of the tribe disappear into the wilderness and survive off of the land, only to return some time later as “a man.” That individual is played by one of the most distinctive Aboriginal character actors in pictures, David Gulpilil (an excellent, first performance). During his excursion across the Australian desert, he happens across two young children, Girl and Boy, whose father killed himself and left them to rot in the wilderness. Hindered by the language barrier, Girl makes it clear that she and her brother wish to return to “civilization,” and together, the three set off on their journey.

While the basic setup may seem prime fodder for a Disney live-action film, the finished product is anything but in the hands of Nicolas Roeg. Roeg pits the travelers against themes of sexual frustration and coping along with the sun and venomous wildlife. The juxtaposition of colonial civilization with Aboriginal mysticism is as present here as it is in some of Peter Weir’s earlier works (blatantly presented at times, as we see Girl lugging a transistor radio through the desert, tuned to a station that spouts out etiquette advice 24/7). But the film differs from Weir’s works, because the heart of the film is not a mystery, but rather, a tale about the dissolution of youth and the premature acceptance of responsibility. Roeg uses the backdrop of Australia’s outback so beautifully, the entire film often feels like William Blake’s “Songs of Innocence and Experience” sent wonderfully into motion.

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Day 324: Star Trek (2009) - Rank 5/5

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Posting a review on this film detailing the outlines of the plot would be rather moot, for it seems that I was one of the few individuals who waited so long to see it. I have nothing against Star Trek – in fact, far from it. My Saturday evenings were spent watching The Next Generation with my father (typically, I served as an altar boy on Saturday night mass, so my father had to speed like a madman to get home in time for the show. Many a night I tuned out the rote ceremony with ponderings over what the Enterprise would encounter next. But I digress…). I can also pepper any serious conversation with dozens of “Star Trek VI” quotes with relative ease.

Therefore, my delay in seeing the film was not due to disinterest. Instead, I was working three jobs at the time of its release, mixed with my duties for Wonderfest, end of the school year, trip to the Grand Canyon, blah, blah, blah, [insert pithy excuse here]. As a result, I greatly regret not seeing the film on the big screen, because it’s one hell of a time (perhaps Mr. Spock’s time traveling device would come in handy here, though I have to ask: “Red matter?”). While the storyline might be heavily convoluted for an origin story (again, “Red matter?”), it still entertains by presenting a wet-behind-the-ears crew that wipes away the memories of the former cast’s snarkiness at the end of their careers and replaces it with wild action executed with wild abandon. The reckless and eager nature of Chris Pine compliments the persona of Captain Kirk perfectly, and (Karl Urban channels DeForest Kelly to a “t.” In fact, the reimagining is an exercise in perfect casting (though Simon Pegg does get a bit irritating in quirky mode as Mr. Scott), so it’s easy to see why so many fans were accepting of the film. Thanks, J.J.

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Day 323: Patrick (1978) - Rank 4/5

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Low budget and gimmicky, but still entertaining fare. The film opens up similarly to John Carpenter's "Halloween," with a brutal POV murder of a happy couple in a bathtub - the only back story we get for Patrick (note: while both film openings are remarkably similar to one another, "Patrick" neither filmmaker could have been aware of the other's film until much later due to delayed, overseas release dates). Years later, Patrick is in a comatose state in an insane asylum. Enter Kathy, a naive nurse whom Patrick takes a liking to. At first his gestures are as simple as reflexive spits or the occasional erection, but soon his telekinetic powers are writing prose on Kathy's typewriter and tearing her home asunder when Kathy's eye turns to another man.

Pure drive-in cinema with a "Twilight Zone" air, but the film does generate genuine suspense. There's also a fair deal of dark humor peppered throughout the storyline. Robert Helpmann also stars as the sadistic head of surgery at the hospital - a man who is reduced to eating frog's innards by the end of the film. While the film is, by no means, perfect, for its pacing is rather labored at times, it does function well as a "gateway film" for inducing the desire to watch more Aussie horror flicks.

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Saturday, February 6, 2010

Day 322: MST3K: Santa Claus (1959) - Rank 5/5

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From “Return to Oz” to “The Neverending Story,” I had ample nightmare material to fuel my childhood mind. Still, “Santa Claus” takes the cake when it comes to disturbing children’s films. It also presents Santa’s workshop and his personal plight in a manner far more bizarre than “Santa Claus: the Movie.” Yes, while the 1985 box office failure had a semi-sober Dudley Moore in tights, John Lithgow flying through the air while madly chomping candy canes and more product placement than you could shake a stick at, “Santa Claus” has child enslavement and the devil.

A devil by the name of Pitch is the main foil for Kris Kringle, and he does his best to taint the consciences of Mexican children everywhere. His goal is to destroy the Christmas spirit…or something. Santa has a workshop devoid of elves, but populated by children dressed in full stereotypical attire, from Spanish children in sombreros to Cuban children in guerrilla fatigues, guns in hand – I shit you not. There’s also a talking orifice that looks like Santa’s personal pleasure hole. It’s function seems rather vague. There’s also maniacally-laughing reindeer – a sight that would be more appropriate in an “Evil Dead” film and not a Christmas story. If you fear that Santa might not defeat the devil, then clearly you’re unfamiliar with the format of Christmas films. If you fear that you might suffer weird, fever dreams after watching this, you’re probably right. As for the MST3K crew, this is one of those episodes that’s a perfect hit. A somewhat entertaining B-movie mixed with a fantastic series of rejoinders makes this a holiday season must-see.

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Day 321: The Baron of Arizona (1950) - Rank 3.5/5

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A very by-the-books biopic on one of the country's greatest con men. The film features an early pairing of two eclectic members of Hollywood - Vincent Price, prior to becoming a horror icon, and director Samuel Fuller (on his second feature length film). Price is James Reavis, a man who would make himself "Baron of Arizona" only through patiently acting out a twenty year scheme that will entitle the state to his name. He does so by adopting an orphan and having her schooled in the ways of Spanish aristocracy. While she grows old, he poses as everything from a monk to a gypsy so he can forge the proper documents to make it seem as if the land belongs to a family of Spanish nobles, whose only surviving relative is the young girl. And when she's old enough, he marries her so he can take over the state, which is a little creepy when you think about it...

Price executes the role with smarmy finesse, as he worms his way into the trust of one organization to the next, taking years to do so at times. As for the direction, well...it's hailed as a long lost Fuller classic, and the "long lost" portion may be accurate; however, the sense of direction is very conventional and it bears none of the earmarks that make it characteristically Fuller's (or anyone else's for that matter). And while the story is interesting, it never soars to the epic proportions its capable of.

Day 320: Always Leave Them Laughing (1949) - Rank 3.5/5

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This tale of a comedian's struggle to make it to the top feels a little played at times, but what saves the story from being formulaic drivel is the brilliance of Milton Berle. This film was the perfect vehicle for the comedian to show his stuff, and while he was well-known prior, this seems to be the role that shot him to the household name status. As Kip Cooper, Berle has ample opportunities to not only lampoon himself, but also pay homage to countless comedians before him. Cooper is hackneyed, boorish and at many points, unoriginal. He tries to make a star of himself by taking on the stylings of others in the profession.

I found it entertaining to watch Berle tackle famous bits, like Al Jolson's "Mammy" or belt out a Cole Porter tune, as he moves from one vaudevillian act to the next in the hopes that he will strike it hot with audiences. There's something endearing about Cooper's desperation, but the darker elements to his soul as he walks over his friends and lovers alike to reach the top also fit Berle's personality as well. Ruth Roman and Bert Lahr are also fun supporting cast members, but this is definitely Berle's opportunity to shine.

Day 319: Sweet Smell of Success (1957) - Rank 4.5/5

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Film noir is a genre filled with predictable conventions, from convoluted plots to anti-hero protagonists. Snappy, slang-ridden dialog is another staple and when it comes to "Sweet Smell of Success," the repartee can't be outdone. Not unlike "A Clockwork Orange," the script is interlaced with its own breed of the English language. Expressions like, "I often wish I were dead and wore a hearing aid. With a simple flick of a switch, I could shut out the greedy murmur of little men." spew forth from the mouth of gossip columnist extraordinaire J.J. Hunsecker (played with calculating menace by Burt Lancaster). Many of his remarks are rejoinders to comments made by his fawning toadie, Sidney Falco (Tony Curtis - a perfect yang to Lancaster's yin), a press agent who suckles at J.J.'s teat in the hopes that the writer might throw one of his clients a bone.

Starved and desperate for a plug for one of his clients, Falco agrees to help J.J. destroy the romance between J.J.'s kid sister, Susan and a reefer-smoking band man named Dallas (Martin Milner). Trouble is, everything from the law to Sidney's conscience get in the way of his carrying out the dirty deed and soon, it looks like he might end up the patsy for a scandal rather than placating the man whose words level cities. Traveling to a rhythm all its own, "Sweet Smell of Success" blows along like an out-of-control El Train, but I'll be damned if it doesn't capture the seedy underbelly of show business and popularity better than so many pretenders.

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Day 318: Slugs (1953) - Rank 4.5/5...or 1/5

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Please be warned. My high rating of the film could also be translated into a very low rating, for the film is one of the worst films I've ever seen. However, unlike "Manos: Hands of Fate," "Red Zone Cuba," "Teenagers from Outer Space" or a dozen other flicks introduced to a wider audience by Mystery Science Theater 3000, the film is a funny watch alone. Even Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" has laughable moments, but the film is practically unbearable when watching it alone. In fact, most bad films demand group settings and ample libations, but "Slugs" is one of those few exceptions. There were numerous parts where I guffawed over the jilted dialog as a result of a preposterous visual or stale line.

What's the premise? It's that slugs have developed a taste for human flesh and they attack a town. There is not a single element about this film that is intentionally campy or tongue-in-cheek. The epic is played out as serious as serious-can-be (which isn't much, considering the storyline). You will see teenage girls have their tits devoured by a tidal wave of gastropods, a businessman's eyes explode with a gusher of nematodes, slug puppets with teeth and a "cutting edge" research laboratory with safety signs posted in the background that clearly I.D. the room as a high school classroom. The sad thing is the film was based on a book (which I must pick up). Neither the film's gore nor absurdity can be understated. In fact, as of this moment, I am officially declaring that "Slugs" shall be the first film to premiere at my drive-in this season. Seriously, the mind reels...just check the awesome trailer.

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Sunday, January 17, 2010

Day 317: Stargate (1994 ) - Rank 3/5

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My general impression of the film can best be summed up by a moment that occurred between myself and "Stargate" about halfway in. After the American military has entered Egypt-land, they are treated to a banquet by Erick Avari and his Avarians. A strange, roasted creature, which looks like a parasite that might have been passed by Jabba the Hutt, is laid before James Spader (who is more schtick than man in the film). Colonel Snake Plissken, I mean Colonel O'Neil (Kurt Russell) glances warily at the dish and makes a derisive remark. Dr. Jackson (Spader) samples it and chews, thoughtfully. He's then asked how it tastes. At this point, already a tad weary of Spader's rigmarole, said aloud to the television screen, "I swear to God, he's better not say, 'It's tastes like chicken.' "

"It tastes like chicken!"

"Mother fucker!!!"

It's not like I pictured anything overly original from a production with Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin at the helm. Emmerich has an exploitative nature about his filmmaking which I can't help but tip my hat to. I see him as filling the niche that Irwin Allen left behind (the role of a director that makes disaster films starring a collection of Hollywood names all for the sake of dough-ray-me). And Devlin falls more in line with Bert I. Gordon, because the two have a passion for big creatures. But watching this first collaboration between the two left me feeling a little disappointed. I can attribute my sense of emptiness to three possible reasons.

1. It was their first collaboration, ergo, they were "playing it safe." The film is terribly formulaic, but unlike the formulaic "Independence Day," that formula isn't pushed to the very limits of logic. "Stargate" is simply a modest action film, made before the era where Emmerich learned that "blowing up the whole, goddamned world" = "awesome as shit." I watched it expecting outlandish (though spaceship pyramids are a tad excessive), but was treated to a small battle in an isolated desert. An analogy I can draw is: imagine how subdued "Star Wars" would have seemed if it had been concentrated only at Mos Eisley instead of across an entire galaxy (actually, you don't have to imagine too hard. It's called "Phantom Menace").

2. I want James Spader to die. Sure, the expert, controversial scientist, whose life works are readily dismissed as "Poppycock" by his peers, saving the day is tried and true as Jeff Goldblum and Dennis Quaid would demonstrate in later Emmerich films with tongue-in-cheek glee. But Dr. Daniels is a little too good, solving problems in a matter of hours that teams of scientists have been pondering for years. He has allergies too, so if you find a character sneezing at the most inopportune times, you'll love his character. They could have casted somebody, anybody, in place of Spader and I would have been happier. Jesus, even French Stewart was tolerable next to Spader (and the casting of Stewart worked out pretty well, for since most shots were in the sun-scorched desert, it gave the obnoxious character actor a reason to be squinting all the time).

3. I didn't see this film as a teenager. Emmerich's schlock is designed for the juvenile mind. I think my love for "Independence Day" is largely due to the fact that I caught it when I was fifteen (and that movie was, for lack of a better word, the shit that summer). Sadly, I was into Egyptology in my younger adolescent years, so this would have struck me just right. But seeing it after knowing how delightfully outlandish Emmerich can be, it just seems very subdued on the whole.

But make no mistake, I really do hate James Spader...

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Day 316: Dangerous Crossing (1953) - Rank 3.5/5

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A fun little exercise in atmosphere and paranoia. Ruth Bowman and her new husband are both off on a trans-Atlantic cruise. Ruth separates with her husband and badda-boom, he's gone. There's no trace of his luggage and no member of the crew can recall seeing Ruth with anyone. As Ruth begins to question her sanity, she comes under the wing of ship's doctor, Dr. Manning (Michael Rennie). Ruth is bound and determined to prove that her husband really exists and is trapped somewhere on the ship, but the rest of the crew views her as a lunatic and a nuisance, save Dr. Manning who seems to believe her.

This is a story that has been done many times before and since. The most recent permutations I can recall are "The Forgotten" and "Flightplan." Just as is the case with such films, you find yourself questioning the logic of the situation a hell of a lot, because some individuals clearly had conversations with Ruth's husband, but they claim to draw a blank when it comes to events that took place an hour ago. My only guess is that during cruises to the Caribbean and just floating around in international waters in general, drug use is a little looser with the crew, hence chronic short-term memory loss. Thus leads me to a fun film idea that just sprang to mind - a film noir parody of a storyline similar to this where the ultimate cause of all the mystery is not an elaborate scheme, but merely the fault of heavy pot use. However, upon writing that, I realize that I just described the plot to "Dude, Where's My Car?" So logic dictates that stoner comedies evolved from film noir? I just confused myself to the point that I can't remember who I last talked to now, so I'll stop while I'm behind. One item worth mentioning: I could listen to Michael Rennie read the dictionary, despite how emasculating such an admission sounds. Okay, this review's a mess. I'm stopping now.

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