Sunday, June 21, 2009

Day 123: Gargalese (2009) - Rank 1.5/5

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The notion of the tickle monster acting as an actual monster is an amusing, as well as a unique one. Regrettably, the creature's incarnation in this film is anything but unique. I give the film a ranking slightly above my lowest rank (a 1/5) simply because my friend Jesse did some cool FX work on the film. However, all the creature effects in the world couldn't salvage the tepid plot, made worse by confusing editing and bad acting (but not bad in a laughable way, sadly). I caught it out of curiosity after the "Lost Skeleton Returns Again" premiere. Ugh...

The script also falls prey to the common flaw that I just praised "Lost Skeleton" for avoiding, and that is: it uses "fuck" all too often. Before you think that I'm taken aback by the word, let me just say that both working in the Highlands and teaching high school for a decade have made me immune to most anything others consider effective. The problem is that films today use it as verbal filler. Can't figure out a unique adjective to use? Fucking. Can't formulate the proper noun? Fucker. It's become the 21st century's "Um" (or if you're feeling silly and French, this century's "alors"). It's a basic rule of grammar that if you overuse a word, it devalues the impact of the word. Let me demonstrate by butchering an excerpt by one of my favorite selections by John Donne...The Good Fucking Morrow

My face in your fucking eye, thine in mine fucking appears, And true fuckin' hearts do in our faces rest; Where the fuck can we find two better fuckin' hemispheres Without fucking north or fucking west? Whatever the fuck dies, was fuck'd; If our two loves be one, then fuck baby, I'll tap that fucking shit, or thou and I Love so alike that none can fuck with us, none can die. Fuckin' A.

Actually, that turned out sillier than I thought. Anyway, fuck used in moderation can be both shocking and humorous. Fuck used in excess elicits a sigh from me, though kids under the age of eighteen find it hilarious the more its used ("The Devil's Rejects" is a prime example, though I liked the film because it had enough other elements in excess to hold my attention). Enough of this all. I'm going to stop and formulate an elaborate equation that doth factor the proper ratio of fucks to non-fucks into one simple, fucking algorithm.

Watch a Fucking Trailer

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